Pregnancy, Miscarriage, and Abortion- A Quantum Perspective.

My Story

by Julia Wagner

I’m never sure quite where to start when I’m recounting these happenings.  Do I start with my “past life” and move chronologically?  Do I start from the present life and work backward?  Heck- I could even start in the future if I wanted to.  Maybe I’ll do that. 

Imagine a bright sunny morning.  The birds are chirping and you can feel “celebration” in the air.  Two birds are in a nest, watching their first egg hatch.  Nothing is more important in their world than this egg, and the potential this little baby bird holds in its future is the world to these proud parents.

Cut back to this life, as Julia.  I’m 18 and I’ve just found out I’m pregnant.  The FIRST time I had unprotected sex.  Sigh.  Apparently, I’m “fertile”.  Great.  Nothing could be less ideal and that 10 seconds of sex was definitely NOT worth the “penalty” of pregnancy, I thought.

I had never wanted kids, let alone to have a child as a teenager.  The decision to have an abortion was as immediate as seeing the second line forming on the pregnancy test..  I do NOT want children.  I do NOT want to give birth. Hard pass.

I terminated that pregnancy.

It wasn’t a difficult decision or a hard process.  The cells making up my pregnancy at 5 weeks fit in the head of a syringe. 

Fast forward to when I’m 20.  I have another unwanted pregnancy, and another abortion.  I wasn’t particularly spiritual, but I felt that consciousness LEAVE the night before the procedure. 

I can’t explain it, but there was a being there, and then, all of a sudden, there wasn’t.

Again, no trauma from termination. (I was a little queasy from the sedative after, I recall). There are parts of the process that aren’t FUN- I assure you.  But I’ve always been treated with respect by Planned Parenthood and their staff, so honestly terminating my pregnancies isn’t something I’ saw as’ve ever seen as particularly “negative”.  I’ve spoken about my abortions for over 20 years now.  I’ve always believed that women should have the right to choose if and when they have kids. 

“My body my choice” is STILL a mantra I support and believe in adamantly. Our CHOICES reflect our DESTINY it’s been said. They aren’t at odds.

———

It’s interesting that after all this time-as I write this, I’m 45 years old- I’m just now MEETING those souls in this life.   The Souls- the personalities that chose to occupy my womb for five-ish weeks when I was 18 and 20? I didn’t know there were other levels to these experiences and healing to be welcomed into other lives.

Maybe now is a good time to flash back to my past life. 

I was young, beautiful, and just married to a “knight in shining armor”.  We were in Spain in the 1600s.  Life was perfect.  Except as a new bride I was alone for the first time.  My husband was away with the military, who were negotiating politics with distant lands. 

I was at home focused on carrying our child.  It was an easy, leisurely time. Other than being lonely, things were idyllic. I told our unborn child stories, I sang to him, I did needlepoint, and (naively) promised our child that his daddy would be home to see him, “Any day now.”

I was well along with my pregnancy when I received the news my husband had been killed in battle.  Not long after that, I miscarried our child.  Then I gave up. I killed myself in that life, judging myself a failure as a wife and a mother. 

I think I vowed I’d never be a mother after that.  That judgment affected my soul deeply. That’s where the “hard pass” energy seems to originate.

When I was 18, in this life, I often went to a local auction with my dad.  I  bid on and won a suit of armor.  I think I paid $18 dollars for “Stanley” as I called him.  He just stands there.  So Stanley seemed like a good name.  There was a spirit that liked to live in Stanley, so the sprit adopted the name “Stanley” as well.

My partner had a Halloween mask of a fly.  There was a spirit that liked that mask, so we called him, “Fly Guy”.  He’s a little thing.  Little Fly Guy.  FUNNY that spirit.  Always making a joke and always super “light”. 

ANYWAY.  Year later I was given a smaller suit of armor by my best friend, at which point “Fly Guy” enjoyed living in that tinier suit of armor and staying right by Stanley’s side.  Stanley and Fly Guy were buddies, always.

I don’t know what triggered the recognition.  I was 44. I realized something profound. I just KNEW: Fly guy was my miscarried baby from that past life. This was indeed the same soul from the pregnancy/the abortion I had in THIS life. 

And the spirit that was in “Stanley”? My Knight? THAT was my husband’s soul.  THAT was the spirit from my OTHER terminated pregnancy.  It was an “aha!” moment.  Then everything made sense.  These weren’t random spirit attachments.  These were my FAMILY. 

We’re not apart.  We never were.  It’s all optional- physical incarnation or, well, to NOT incarnate/stay in physical form.  No big deal to the Soul whether we are corporeal or not. It’s only to the ego that the form matters.  Spiritually?  We are ALWAYS together.  ALWAYS.  ALL of us.  

What does this knowledge – this experience of being “together” allow us to DO?

What does the sense of separation allow us to explore??

Well, these perspectives let us change, for one. Exploring these connections allow greater acceptance of other people’s changes, and choices as well.

When our child decided against physical incarnation, choosing to remain “in the light”- That was not a negative judgment against ME as his potential caregiver.  I wasn’t supposed to “do better” as a mother..  My child simply knew there were lighter, more appropriate worlds to keep exploring.  He was happy enough with his womb experience.  Frankly, “HERE” and “NOW” of the light seemed like more appropriate, less dense option for that Soul.  Ultimately it was though HIS decision to remain “lighter” that I’m also prompted to evolve.

STILL. 

Even in another LIFE!!

That’s what we do for each other.  Encourage and support each other along the way.  Even in absence, we’re THERE.

I no longer have to judge my terminated pregnancies as “unwanted”.  I simply didn’t know WHY they were important.  Terminating those two pregnancies allowed me to respect the whole process that much more.  It was the reversal my Soul needed.  To have a MUTUAL parting.  I didn’t know that at the time and resented my body’s fertility.  

In the future my husband and I are small birds.  On a sunny morning, that feels like Christmas, we welcome our child into the world.  There’s more celebration in that moment, more love, than I could have expressed or appreciated as “Julia”.  

It might sound ironic, but this is why I’m such a champion for reproductive rights, including a person’s right to terminate a pregnancy.  I’ve also supported a person’s right to choose.  But now that understanding is based in LOVE, whereas when I was younger I spoke resentfully of these circumstances.  Even death is an application of cosmic love.    

These spirits are with me, still, taking various forms.  Right now, “Fly Guy” likes the figure of Baby Grut, and my protector, who I still call Stanley, takes the form of the Lion- either behind him or by his side.  Both sprits are very  flexible so I might find them anywhere, in anything.  That being said- we DO tend to have preferences, don’t we?  So the little guy tends to like small objects or “babies” while my Knight in Shining Armor truly DOES enjoy THAT role.

That brings me to wonder- 

Do YOU have these types of memories/recognitions?

I assume my story isn’t that unique, and that MANY people share these types of relationships from lifetime to lifetime.

Have you experienced anything similar?  

Or do you have other residual emotions? around pregnancy, childbirth, miscarriage, or something ELSE that you don’t quite understand? Often your Soul knows exactly what needs to be brought forward.

If so, you aren’t alone. I love to help.  

Message me at 5Dquantumexpansion@gmail.com to share your stories or to explore your memories.  You might be surprised what comes to the surface with someone holding space and asking questions. 

My motto? If YOU are dedicated to your growth? – SO AM I.

My calling?  I lead quantum healing sessions.  ASK if you’re curious or feel like you or a loved one might benefit from this modality (I do charge a standard rate, and I ALSO work by donation- so if it feels like something you might benefit from- don’t hesitate to ask).

Now when I think of my pregnancies and abortions it’s quite a different feeling than when I was young.  I’m not resentful.  These were positive experiences in more ways that I knew at the time.  Now when I think of abortion, included ALSO is the thought of my FUTURE life- my life with my family. I see us in our warm, cozy nest. We’re blue and iridescent. For some reason? It feels like “Christmas”, on that bright, sunny morning. We are welcoming our first hatched newborn chick into the world. There’s such love in this picture. There’s no room for anything else in THAT moment. I’m with my knight in shining armor, my “Stanley”. Our little hatchling; fly guy, my “Baby Grut” is just being born into a physical body to share this unique corporeal perspective.


We are together.

Life is good.

What a change in judgement!

If there’s a subject around which YOU’D like a shift in perspective, don’t hesitate to reach out.  It’s an honor to act as a guide.

Julia Wagner
Quantum Healing Facilitator
Lawrence, Kansas
5dquantumexpansion@gmail.com

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